Anxiety, Awareness, Compulsions, depression, Depresssion, intrusive thoughts, Life, Mental Health, mental illness, Obsessions, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, Rituals, self-help, Thought for the Week, Time to Talk, Well-Being
God I’ve been shit at this blogging lark this year.
I’m still managing my OCD really , really well. I think what’s helped is being approved foster carers for the last 20 mths and having the same two siblings during that time.
Focusing on others who have far worse problems than yourself , especially children, has an uncanny knack of reducing your own anxieties and putting everything into perspective . Well , it certainly works for me!
I’ve been more open , more regularly about my condition. I’m 48 in November and in that lovely middle aged zone of not giving a fuck what anyone thinks anymore, so if the topic of mental health crops up, I’m in like Flynn and go into full confessional mode. I even came out on FaceBook earlier this year so go me!
But before I get too cocky knickers I’ve still had a couple of episodes so to speak. Primarily these have occurred at night time just before bed, particularly if I’m the last up and need to check and lock up the house. That responsibility is unbearable, especially at that time of night when reality is distorted by the darkness and quiet. It’s always been the most difficult part of the day for me.
As a boy from Manchester I had endless summer holidays in Bournemouth during the 70s and 80s at my Aunties.
During my youth when my OCD troubled me so much it only ever subsided for the two weeks holiday my parents took me and my brother on every year at the end of July that we used to call “Mossley Wakes”.
Those two weeks in Southbourne, near Bournemouth, spent at my Aunties house were in a colourful parallel universe compared to the drab, grey, dirty cotton spinning town I lived in North West of Manchester.
It’s a pleasure as a father of 3 boys that I have been able to share this special part of the country with them as they have grown up, and we continue to enjoy holidays here. It does help that my brother now lives here too though!
When I do my CBT its Southbourne Beach I think of as I try to reboot my mind from its trauma and constant battle with OCD.
At the moment I’m working bloody hard to maintain the control over my condition that I have and for the most sustained period of my life I feel I’m genuinely winning the fight.
I’ve wanted to confront the darkest episodes in my life and write about them in my blog. This is a blog about OCD so I suppose technically I should write deep, dark pieces about my struggles all the time.
I made a grand gesture and statement in my blog earlier in the year that I would write about the darkest period of my life in 2011 that nearly destroyed me. The stuff that didn’t even make my eBook. It would have been at least another 15,000 words and would have made my book more of a……….errrr book!
But……….and I feel awful saying this, I really can’t be arsed!
Please forgive me because I don’t mean that as flippantly as it may come across. It’s just I feel absolutely bloody fantastic with life, the universe and everything at the moment. I know I’m not fully healed, I know I never fully will be and I accept that. But when you achieve the balance I have at the moment, why go looking for trouble when you don’t need to.
I’ll know when I’m ready. I’m still learning with my writing and this blog thing in general and you can only write from the heart and not force it. Otherwise it’s just false and I’ll be no better than all those shite journalists out there taking the money and just writing shite with no soul.
I need to get into my head that people want to hear about you being happy, in control and doing the normal stuff in life as much as coming to terms with a troubled past and being all deep and meaningful. Deep and meaningful is so frickin tiring!
So here’s a picture of a recovering OCD sufferers feet, in the sea, on a beach that has helped to heal him a little…………….oh and he’s really happy at the moment.
My sales are now 100+ which is beyond my wildest expectations. I’m averaging 15 sales a month. I plan to write more and complete the story soon. In the meantime I’d just like to express a big THANK YOU to all of you who have took the time out to purchase and read my story!
One More Time: A Personal Battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder & Depression by Paul McKechnie http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00NI4A0KU/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_a4Veub0DZZTE9